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I need to finish posts instead of starting them and casting them aside when something else distracts me. Squirrel!

Nothing earth shattering here

Move along, no rubber necking needed.

So it all started on Monday afternoon, y’know… just that feeling of being hit full-on by a mack truck. Yeah. It comes out of the blue and without warning. One second you’re feeling fine and all mine, and the next, your body’s been abducted by germ aliens.

I’m still unemployed and as as result – still un-healthinsured (I know, so healthy, right?) so I decided to fight this the old fashioned way – lots of sleep and OTC meds. I’m pleased to report moderate success. Sure, I wasted away pretty much three entire days in sleep… I had some pretty kick ass dreams and half-conscious musings.

I got a lot of thinking done too. Introspection is good for the soul, but a little too much and you get to feeling like such a loser that you start thinking maybe Sylvia Plath had the right idea. No, I’m not serious

Ode of a Picky Eater

I’m the person people love to hate
A picky eater
Mustard, must I?
Tomato, tomahto, no matter how you say it, I’d prefer a potato anyday.
Sour cream, milk, cream cheese, cheese, the thought makes my stomach curdle
Fish eyeballs, sashimi, I don’t care if it’s a delicacy, the thought makes me achey

But sometimes you like it (sometimes being the key word)
But you used to like it (used to being the key phrase)
Just try it and see if you like it (for whose benefit? Not mine)
But it tastes so good (I’m happy for you)
But you like this ingredient in other dishes (but not in this combination)
Just suck it up and eat it (Why? Seriously… why?)

It’s all in your head (Most possibly)
It makes me see red (I’m sorry)
You’re offending me as a cook (I don’t mean to)
You’re offending me as a person (How so?)
You’re being rude (I’m not trying to)
In this constant battle, I can never get ahead
And the horse has been beaten dead

How do you know you don’t like it if you’ve never even tried it?
(How do you know you don’t want to eat a steaming turd if you’ve never even tried it)

Food and people are separate entities.
You are what you eat? Not true.

Sometimes I imagine myself at a Picky Eaters Conference.

Hi, my name is Katie Cue and I am a picky eater. Despite apparently eating everything under the sun as a wee lad, I evolved into one of the most picky eaters ever and even into adulthood.

Current friends think I am bad but I used to be much much worse. I’ve met people who are worse than me. I’ve met people who are shocked to hear I am a picky eater. Sometimes I think it’s because what I don’t like covers such a wide swath of foods.

Above all, I don’t like dairy.

This means I don’t like milk in cereal, butter on toast (heck, I am not even fond of toast really), sour cream with tacos, cream cheese on my bagels, and I have a hard time swallowing down frosting made with cream cheese (and yes, I can taste it). Cheese, only if it’s cheddar and shredded, although I can stand mozzarella on pizza only. When I say “only”, that means only after it’s cooled. When cheese is melted, the smell literally makes me sick to my stomach (yes, I get nauseous).

I still remember eating cheese sticks. I still remember drinking glasses of milk. What happened? I do not know. Once on a dare for Thanksgiving, my sister started egging me on to drink a glass of milk. She said she’d pay me. She asked how I knew I didn’t like it when I haven’t drank it in years. I kept refusing and refusing.

This scenario was normal over the years. People trying to bribe me to eat things or drink things that I do not like. I’ve been offered up to $100 (and refused. Even as a kid). I.just.don’t.like.it.

I’ll eat food prepared with butter/milk (hello mashed potatoes, cake, etc).

2011 Year in Review

For my annual tradition of Year in Review, see my previous entries:

2010

2009

2008

2007

Easter

So whilst searching the aisle of Rite-Aid and standing for a few minutes trying to decide the best cold/allergy medication to buy, showing my ID, promising that I was not a meth dealer with intent to manufacture, distribute, and/or consume said product in a manner other than the lawfully prescribed one… I wandered in the aisle where the Easter Bunny barfed.

An insta-smile came on my face. Didya know they have this Easter Egg dying kit where you just put an egg in a container and gently roll it around? What a rip off. Kids these days have it so easy. In my day, we had those Paal kits with the multi colored cups, the wire holder that never worked, and stern warnings not to spill or get it on our clothes. And let’s not forget trying to write names all invisibly with the white crayon to magically appear on a dyed egg. MOM, DAD, BOO-BOO (poodle), TEDDY (the only cat in the world for me), GRANDMA, GPA (abbreviations work best on small eggs), etc.

Although, how we were expected not to spill with flimsy plastic cups, bumbling hard-boiled eggs, and inept wire hangers in the hands of wee babes, I do not know.

Mom went overboard with Easter as she did with every other holiday. I remember being 16 and asking Mom if we seriously needed 100 hard-boiled eggs just for the four of us kids. I mean sure, Jamie was still a little tot, but the rest of us were insolent teens and getting a bit old for that stuff. Come Easter morning, we were all expected to participate in the Easter Egg hunt, or “Help your little sisters look for it if you don’t want to do it.” My “little sisters” were 12, 11 and 3.

Baskets, oh my lord, the baskets. With the fake Easter grass, Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs, chocolate marshmallow bunnies, Starburst jelly beans, and assorted gifts and trinkets all covered with Easter-themed cellophane to contain all of the goodies that Mom stuffed in there.

I remember doing Easter egg hunts in the house until that one year that MomDad forgot where they hid a couple eggs that we couldn’t find and the house quickly filled with the putrid stench of rotting eggs in a week’s time. They could never be sure if they just forgot (hiding 100 eggs at 3AM does have that effect) or if one of the animals got to it. Although, the dogs’ egg-induced gastrointestinal issues certainly added to the aroma. Then from then on; the egg hunts were outside, snow or shine (hey, it was Colorado after all).

Easter dinner (really, lunch) was always ham (eh, not my favorite) & sometimes turkey. Deviled eggs, just the egg whites for me though since I hated mayo and wasn’t that fond of yolk really, and Mom’s infamous Easter Bunny cake! I was just looking for pictures of all the above but I think most of my pictures are pre-digital camera and somewhere in a box at home. It was just like Thanksgiving dinner though, Mom always went all out.

This occurred every year without fail until I left for graduate school at an out-of-state college (RIT in New York) in 2005. Yes, even while I was an undergrad at the University of Colorado, we still had Easter egg hunts/dinner. Probably largely due to the fact that there was quite an age gap between the sisters in my family – 13 years between me and the youngest and 8 years between the two youngest. So, even when I was a 21 year-old in college, Jamie was only 5-7 years old.

Due to my RIT college schedule, it being out of state, and me being a perpetually broke college student, I didn’t make it home for Easter for the next few years. Our family isn’t particularly religious and compared to Thanksgiving/Christmas, Easter just didn’t take precedence. It was just a fun holiday, that’s all.

In 2007, I was finishing up my final teaching internship at the California School for the Deaf, Fremont and my spring semester was slated to start at RIT. Avi & DJ surprised me by buying plane tickets to California to sightsee during their spring break and subsequently helping me with the drive cross-country back to New York. A greatly appreciated gesture and a fun spring break as well!

So once we hopped around Northern California, drove through the redwoods, we dropped down into Colorado for a few days of snowboarding and to recuperate before the final jaunt of our trip. Being that this was the week before Easter, I begged Mom to simply hold Easter dinner a week earlier because I missed the food (and had missed a couple Thanksgivings over the years as well), she agreed because she was only too happy to have all her little ducks under her roof to celebrate a holiday.

“Wait til you see this,” I remember telling Avi & DJ, Mom goes all crazy with Easter, and her Easter Bunny cake is to die for!

Funny thing is the dinner was the same day we were to depart for New York, so that day was a rush. We ate then left and we were in Julesburg which is about 185 miles from Denver on the eastern Colorado border with Nebraska when Mom texted me, “You forgot the Easter bunny cake!!!!”

She had made it in such a hurry that morning that she put it in the freezer to cool off for dessert that night and we all forgot about it. I was so sad because that’s my favorite part of Easter but it didn’t make sense to drive two hours back just for cake (no matter how good it is), so I told Mom, “That’s ok, there’s always next year.”

I never got to eat Mom’s Easter Bunny cake ever again but I sure wanted to eat my words looking back.

That was the end of March. Honestly, the rest of 2007 passed by in such a blur. There were so many “last moments” that we weren’t aware of at the time. Our last Christmas together as a family, last Easter together, last Mother’s day together, last birthday celebration(s) together…

We found out in April of Mom’s lung cancer diagnosis and even when first diagnosed, you never know how bad it is or how much time you have. It becomes a race to savor time while at the same time, still living your life because you can’t stop living even when someone else is dying.

In retrospect, if I would have known that the doctors were wrong when they said she’d be around until at least Christmas… if I would have known she only had 5 months from the time she was diagnosed… I probably would have done a lot of things differently.

I would have left RIT on a LOA right away, I would have went home, I would have spent more time with her, I wouldn’t have gone to India. But, you never really can know. Heck, I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. You just really never know how precious every moment is until you look at it in retrospect. As much guilt as I feel living away from home right now, I have to make my peace with it if something happens *knock on wood* because like my Dad always says, “Everyone’s gotta live their own life.”

Was I regretting all of the above while walking through the Easter aisle at Rite-Aid today? No. I try not to regret things. Hindsight truly is 20/20. You’ll only make yourself go crazy looking back on all the shoulda, woulda, couldas of life. I mean she could have lived 4 years beyond her diagnosis like my grandma did. She would have never wanted me to put my life on hold “waiting to see” on the unfulfilled promises or disappointments of tomorrow. While I wish I had more time with her that summer before she died, I know that my trip to India ultimately helped me cope more with her death than anything else ever could have (and changed my life as well). Even if I didn’t know it at the time.

Nah, walking through the Easter aisle of Rite-Aid just made me smile. I’m a nostalgic and sentimental person and I love all of the memories that I still have and those are more precious to me than any gift the Easter Bunny ever brought. I mean, dang, she went overboard with Easter and I’m glad she did, if she didn’t, we wouldn’t have all these great stories to tell of how she often didn’t shop until that very night. Would stay up til 3am on Easter/Christmas eve getting everything ready and cooking. Ditto with our cookies/cupcakes/suckers for school events or whatever we needed. That’s just how she was, she always went the extra mile on things.

It’s funny how life works. A close friend of mine recently lost a close friend of hers to lung cancer far too young and watching her go through the grieving process undoubtedly brings up what it was like in the days, weeks, months, and even years after Mom. Sure, the reminders are painful, but … necessary? Out of all of this, I’ve learned to appreciate life, not take anything for granted, and to just truly cherish every person and every moment.

Sometimes I lose sight of that, especially the past year… so little reminders like that… and Easter…it never stops hurting but… it gets better. You smile through the tears. You never forget.

2010 Year In Review

The last year of the decade passed without much fanfare. It feels like nothing happened, yet a lot did.

January:
Returned to DC. Picked up my just-repaired car. Settled in for my fourth semester of teaching at Woodson. Also picked up extra ASL classes at the community college (to teach)

February:
Snowmaggeddon armageddon descended upon fair DC. I think I calculated that from the end of December to mid-February, I worked at total of eight full days due to all of the holiday breaks and weather-related delays & closing.

It was awesome! I will always cherish my fond memories of staying at the Hanumanthas and playing in the snow even if we had to go out and shovel several feet of snow every few hours.

I was reaching somewhat of a crisis with my employment at Woodson. In February, they had passed around the standard staffing forms whereby said employee (me) was to indicate on the form if they liked Woodson: YES, NO, MAYBE.

I realized that maybe this wasn’t the right fit for me. I really wasn’t happy after all even though I had been fighting it since October of 2009.

OH yeah, I also finally declared bankruptcy to take care of all my old debt and get a fresh start. What a relief that was! It was formally processed & discharged in February… or was it March?

March:
Note to self. Update blogs more as they serve as reference points for my year in review updates. I do know that Avi moved to Rochester for her internship in January and I missed her greatly. I do recall a visit to Rochester at some point in March… or was it April? The only entry I have in my blog is from when Avi got attacked by Canada Geese on her way home from the pool. I still giggle when I imagine that scene.

Note: I have recently learned that they are called Canada Geese, not Canadian geese, for not all Canada geese are Canadian residents.

April:
I had a root canal and a bunch of dental work completed. Payment in full for foolish childhood mistakes. Don’t throw rocks up in the air and catch them in your mouth kiddies. Also… open your eyes when you swim from the deep end to the shallow end of a poor… ascending a bit would be nice too.

OH! I just remembered! iPads were released for the first time! Yeah, I’ll never forget the moment of opening it for the first time and holding it for exactly 5 minutes before everyone else snatched it up to play with it! I never planned to buy it, honest! But now that I have it, I love it. iPad 2 pishposh. Not needed for this girl!

May:
Wow, May, June, and July have no entries. OK I am adding a New Year’s Resolution to update my blog at least once a month! May… I just remember being gripped by indecisiveness about my job and future. State testing madness.

I kept vacillating between… should I stay? Should I go? The last day of school was June 24th (due to all the snow makeup days) and I had until June 30th to decide. I had no backup plan and no plan B and no idea of what to do.

I was just questioning if teaching at this time in my life was the right fit or not.

June:
iPhone 4 was released! I stupidly decided to grab the experience of waiting in line instead of pre-ordering it. 8 hours of bonding time with Greg and Wyatte later… I can now check that off my list and claim never again. Midnight party for Harry Potter Book #3, mania movie showing for the Titantic, standing in line for an Apple product. My life is now complete. I’m too old for that shit. I’ll at least bring a chair next time I stand in line that long!

As for work…The finish line. I felt like I limped there. The closer I inched to the end, the more I realized that I was just done, plan B or no plan B. In May, I had talked myself into staying for one more year. Just one more year. Enough time to figure out my next step.

Then I realized it wasn’t fair to stay if my heart wasn’t entirely in it.

I tendered my resignation. It was a really hard decision to make and terrifying, yet I felt free.

July:
I impulsively decided to move back to Colorado. It seemed the next logical step now that I had no job and income. Sure, I had savings but to be safe, I decided to go for the free room & board at the folks’ place until I figured stuff out.

I drove Oscar cross-country solo, which is a pretty long and boring drive in itself, but magnified when you are alone. I passed time whilst reading two novels on my iPhone (and yes, I got many lectures about that so spare me.)

I made it home in time for the fourth of July and it was good to see the family. I still had the nagging feeling of whether or not I made the right decision. Call it resigner’s remorse, mayhaps?

Avi & DJ moved to Colorado and all seeds of doubt were pushed aside as we enjoyed being reunited again. I was really having a fun summer being around family & close friends. Reality hadn’t quite hit me yet.

The three of us drove to Las Vegas for the DeafNation World Expo where I was to help work the GRO booth. The drive was gorgeous and reminiscent of road trips of lore!

Once there, we met up with Smitha & Alim and saw many other friends as well. I got to know Shah & Rebecca more, which I enjoyed. I also met some more of my friends’ friends and saw some old faces as well. Even though it was a great experience, I was exhausted and dead on my feet by the third day and walking with a mighty limp to boot (pun not intended!)

While in DC, I saw my first two Cirque du Soleil shows: Mystere & Ka.

I also had to bid a sad farewell to Tina & Arturo as they moved back to California. That’s when the finality of leaving Woodson really started to hit me I have truly missed working with Tina and writing poop everywhere on her stuff and bugging her and having adjoining classrooms. It is one of the things I miss most about Woodson and I’m glad it gave me the opportunity to meet Tina and become good friends with her!

Mushiness aside, at the end of the month, we drove back to Colorado with Smitha joining us. She stayed in Colorado for a few weeks and got to know my family some more which was fun. We helped Holly & Mandy do their backyard, which involved a lot of backbreaking labor!

August:
Smitha went back to DC. I had my CI surgery & subsequent activation. DJ went back to Rochester for his last semester. Jamie started her new school and I settled in a routine of chauffeuring her around and recovering from my surgery.

Once the fun of the summer had ended and people started leaving, I prepared to go back to DC to pick up the rest of my stuff from my apartment once the lease ended in September.

We also passed the milestone of third anniversary of Mom’s death. We never stop missing her, especially the more time that passes by that you wish she could be around to witness all that is happening. Particularly my CI process.

September:
I had one more mapping appointment and celebrated Dad & Holly’s birthday before going to DC to pick up my stuff. Once arriving, I joined some friends to see Cirque du Soleil Ovo in DC.

I realized my time in DC wasn’t up yet and I still had enough savings to stay on until December. Bolstered by Alim’s decision to stay until May, I settled in a new, yet odd, routine… living in DC but not working at Woodson. It was the first time September had rolled around with me not being in school or working ever.

The Hanumanthas were still in India so I housesat for them a bit until Shilpa got back. I made about 8 airport runs that month picking and dropping off people.

Shilpa and I zoomed off to cued camp in Virginia where I saw some students and staff so that was nice!

Tamer moved out at the end of the month and Anthony moved in. I got to see Anthony and Rachel more often and it was like old times picking on Rachel, much to her displeasure

October
Once we got back from Cued Camp, Danni and Monica brought Oscar to DC for me and spent a weekend on a whirlwind tour of the best of the city!

After the girls left, I commenced to paint the Hanu kitchen after many trips to Home Depot to decide on a color with Shilpa. The Hanu parents arrived back from India and they forgot to bring Smitty

Not even the first two days back, the father suffered a stroke and had to be rushed to the hospital. He was there for quite a few weeks and much of the month passed by in a blur of just trying to be there and support the family as much as possible since I was fortunate to have the free time and not much else to do.

Anthony & Rachel both got jobs out of town and had to move out. Opting to try Craigslist, Alim and I put out an ad. 8 roommate interviews later (yes, I interviewed them, some of them were psychos) — I had narrowed it down to two folks, a guy and a girl. Alim was consumed with school and work so he left it up to my gut instinct. “OK,” I said, “but you cannot get upset at me if they lop off your head as you sleep. Remember, it is your fault for being deaf and not hearing them approach.”

So we went with Craig the Navy Guy since he seemed easygoing and the perfect fit for us and also since I’m biased, I get along better with guys. Craig from Craigslist moved in with us and we were truly blessed to find a perfect stranger from the internet that’s becoming a good friend of ours.

Whew!

November
Craig moved in.

Smitty came back from India and not too long after, I went home for 18 days to celebrate Thanksgiving, my birthday, and go to my major CI follow up appointments.

I turned 29. Yikes. Last year of my twenties!

I arrived back to see Mr. Hanumantha finally at home from the hospital after approximately 5 weeks. This was great to see and a relief for the family as well!

I also finally got the Apple laptop of my dreams and named it Eleven. *sighs dreamily*

December:
World Deaf Cinema Film Festival madness descended upon DC. Not really… I didn’t know about this until a few days before. Hi, my name is KT and I live under a rock.

Kamau and Chantal came into town and stayed with us and I enjoyed getting to know Chantal more when I picked her up from the airport and also it was nice to bond with Kamau more. Enjoyed having them both at the apartment!

Part of the reason for me going home for Thanksgiving was that I planned to go to India for a month leaving on December 15th. At the last minute, I decided not to go as I just couldn’t miss Christmas (I did miss Jamie’s 16th birthday, which I felt badly about. Sorry!!)

So, I reluctantly stayed behind and flew to Colorado again for Christmas on last minute plane tickets. I was really glad I went home for Christmas! I surprised everyone with nice Christmas gifts with the money I would have used in India so it was worth it to see the expressions on their face and to be around family since the Christmas spirit was not so high this year.

I spent Christmas eve with Mom’s side of the family, Christmas day with just Dad & the sisters, and the day after Christmas with Dad’s side of the family where we got to see everyone after quite a few years and meet Addie for the first time too! It was also neat to see Daley & Avery looking much bigger compared to the last time we saw them!

I also missed the annual Japanese New Year’s festival due to my last minute tickets, I had to fly back to DC before New Year’s eve. However, I had a lot of fun ringing in 2011 with Smitha, Shilpa, and Allie! We spent several days together just hanging out and playing card games, gorging on food, and chatting.

2011
And what will this year bring? What are my New Year’s resolutions? How do I feel about the end of a decade?

Let’s just say 2000-2010 was not a kind decade for the Cues, we went through many trials and tabulations that made us stronger and closer… yet left us scarred and molded us as a family.

Looking back on the decade, it’s astounding to think of all that happened. In that time span, I graduated high school, got a BA and a MS, worked countless jobs, started and stopped a career and the odd thing is…

I started the decade unsure about the future and I ended the decade in the same way. Full circle of life. People were born, people died, and shit happened in between. I guess all one can do is just be grateful they are alive, grateful they survived some pretty tough years, and be optimistic as possible about the future.

Eleven 2011 New Year’s Resolutions:
1. Enroll in school either for MBA or Ph.D. & look for income
2. Help GRO soar to new heights
3. Lose weight (me and a million other people!) & become healthier
4. Skydive for my 30th birthday & celebrate in style!
5. Travel overseas again
6. Start on my book
7. Learn to write concisely & update this blog more!
8. Visit family as often as possible
9. Explore what makes me happy and expand my network of opportunities
10. READ MORE! I miss reading dammit.
11. Start investing like I’ve always wanted to

Yes, all of the above seem vague, but I’m still unsure of what to do so I don’t want to lock myself to any specific potentially unattainable goals. And I know I’ll meet at least half of these goals at the rate I’m going.

Also, since I’m possibly attending my first NHL (Washington Capitals) game next month… I realized I’ve never been to a pro football game. I’ve only seen the Colorado Rockies & Denver Nuggets play & Washington Nationals. So I probably should check that off this year as well, witness a NFL game. I’d also like to see a Wizards game since I somewhat am a resident of this region. Ok so that’s Broncos, Avalanche, Redskins, Wizards, then that’s all four of both regions. Yep.

Not really a sports fan but somewhat of a secret-vast-knowledge-for-a-non-fan-somewhat-of-a-fan.

ANDDDDDDDDDddddddd:

TWENTYONE 2011-2020 Decade Resolutions
1. Finish my MBA/PH.D
2. Find a partner in life (yes, a man! a ring! Marriage… mebbe. Kids… mebbe)
3. Find out what makes me happy & get paid doing it
4. Get my pilot’s license
5. Visit South America
6. Visit at least two countries in Europe
7. Continue actualizing GRO’s dreams
8. Finish & publish my book
9. Snowboard more
10. Be at my fittest & healthiest ever!
11. Pay off student loans
12. Buy property somewhere (maybe a 2nd home in the Rockies?)
13. Get a dog! Or two!
14. Visit all 50 states & ride a roller coaster in each one!
15. Be the most awesome aunt ever (Hurry up sisters/Avi/DJ/David! <— not you Jamie. You still have another 30 years.)
16. Finish fixing up my ’65 Mustang!
17. I’d say get published but I’m already published… contribute something useful to the field of Deaf Education somehow?
18. Create an iPhone/iPad app just for the experience!
19. Continue investing and get well on the way to millionaire-dom!
20. Celebrate my thirties in style as a self-actualized woman who knows what she wants! (a lady can dream!)
21. Climb 14 fourteeners in Colorado!

I suppose I could throw in a resolution somewhere about getting better at procrastination but that’d be doomed from the start. I could bemoan that I didn’t publish this post on January 1st, but instead, I will celebrate that I published it in January!

It’s never too late <— part of the procrastinators’ creed!

For my annual tradition of Year in Review, see my previous entries:

2009

2008

2007